Two weeks ago, I had this crazy urge to buy makeup. I wore mascara almost every day, but anything other than that terrified me.
What if I wouldn’t look okay? What if my skin would break out? What if I was awful at it?
Those are some questions I would ask myself. I mean, come on, I didn’t even start wearing mascara until the 9th grade… and it literally took me 10 to 15 minutes to put it on. No exaggeration. My need of perfection even went into putting on mascara. I could only imagine what I’d be like putting on foundation and blush.
But like I said, I had an urge to buy some. So, I took Lex and we drove to Ulta to get some simple makeup for me. I didn’t get much, just some BB cream, foundation, concealer, and blush. I also bought some brushes from Walgreens. (No contour palette for me just yet.)
That night when we got home, I laid in bed watching YouTube videos for “Beginners in Makeup.” I felt so weird, but I didn’t want to mess up the next morning.
When I woke up, I put on the makeup in the way the videos had taught me, and I was so proud of myself. I called Troy later that day to tell him those series of events and that my fear of makeup was gone, and I was wearing it. He got very quiet on the phone for a few seconds, almost like a hesitation to speak. Then, he said, “Maddy, I don’t want you to get mad when I say this, but you are beautiful with or without makeup. I don’t want you to feel like you have to wear it to look beautiful.”
It took me a few seconds to understand why he had said that, but I knew.. He knew all of my insecurities about my self-image and my need to be perfect. He was nervous that I was wearing it simply to hide my imperfections.
When I got off the phone, I really thought hard about why I had bought the makeup. Had I subconsciously bought the makeup, because I wanted to feel more beautiful? because I wanted less visible flaws? Why did I really buy it?
Troy had realized before I did: I had bought the makeup because of my insecurities. I told myself it was because I didn’t want to be afraid of makeup. I wanted to be able to do it on my own and not have to ask my sister to do my makeup.
For as long as I can remember, my insecurities have always outweighed how God sees me. The way I see myself is ugly, not photogenic, etc. I forget that I am made in God’s image. I forget that He is the potter and I am the clay. I forget that I am beautiful, with or without makeup. I forget that outer beauty fades, but inner beauty does not.
Leah and I went to Franklin last weekend. I told her my struggles with my self-image, and that I was trying to see myself as God’s beautiful daughter made in His image. She then proceeded to tell me she had a store she wanted us to go to called Imago Dei (which means made in the image of God). One of the first things you see when you walk the store are these cards (featured in the image above). It says…
Deeply Loved | Worthy | Set Apart | Seen
Chosen | Warrior | Alive For Such A Time As This
Forgiven | Purposed | Redeemed | Accepted
My eyes filled with tears as I read all of those sweet, real, and true words. They are meant for everyone who reads them. I am loved. I am worthy. I am His child.
After these realizations, I’ve had to constantly remind myself that I am made in His image, that I am beautiful regardless. Some mornings I have to sit in front of the mirror and say, “Madelyn, you are beautiful. You do not need this makeup, but you are wearing it because you want to get better at it. You are loved. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the Creator.”
I am praying for each and everyone of you who stumble across my blog and this specific post. I pray that if self-image is something that you struggle with, you know that you are not alone. So many people struggle with it. I hope that this post reminds you how beautiful you are, and how you are made in God’s image. You are loved, my friend. You are beautiful, with or without makeup.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” -Genesis 1:27
“I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” -Psalm 139:14
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” -1 Peter 3:3-4