My great-grandmother has dementia. According to Google, dementia is “a chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, personality changes, and impaired reasoning.”
Nenney has daily hallucinations. She sees people that aren’t there (which is slightly scary when you are by yourself with her). She hears things. She forgets where she is or that she’s eaten or hasn’t eaten. She is as stubborn as ever.
When I was told she had the disease, I tried to let it not bother me. Sometimes, it’s okay, and she says things that makes me laugh. Sometimes, we talk about about every day things. Sometimes, it’s like she doesn’t have dementia.
But she does.
My biggest fear is that one day I’ll walk in my Mammaw’s house and see Nenney, and she won’t know who I am. I try and hide my emotions…but it truly breaks my heart.
I have been praying about it for several weeks, because it stresses me out. I have been talking and praying to Him to give me the strength to trust in Him through this storm in my life, and that He would allow Nenney to remember me for as long as possible.
Monday, I went to go see my Nenney and Mammaw. When I got there, I woke Nenney up from one of her many daily naps. She woke up, looked at me, smiled, and said, “Oh, Maddy!” …and gave me a big kiss on the forehead. I had to fight back tears, and I thanked and praised God for hearing my little prayer. We had such a great day together.
The day will come where Nenney will look at me, and she’ll tell me it’s nice to meet me. She’ll look at me and she will not remember all those nights spent whispering in her bed. She will not remember our inside jokes. She will not remember making me brownies. She will simply forget, because she cannot help it.
It is going to be so hard. But my God is so good. He hears the little prayers…the ones that I think don’t matter. He hears my prayers. Nenney still remembers me now..and even when she forgets, it’ll be okay. Because one day, she will be made new in Christ.
If you are going through a hard situation, just know that God hears even the little prayers. What’s important to you is important to Him. He loves you. The Bible says,
“He heals the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” -Revelation 21:4
“But certainly God has heard; He has given heed to the voice of my prayer. Blessed be God, who has not turned away my prayer. Nor His loving kindness from me.” -Psalm 66:19-20
Cry out to Jesus!! No matter what, He is ready with arms open wide. He is the ultimate Comforter. Nothing you say is too big or too small. Nothing you say will drive Him away. He has overcome the grave!! He has overcome everything. He says if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, we have the ability to move mountains.
So have faith, my friends! I am resting in His grace today. I am resting in His faithfulness. I am praying that He will show you His faithfulness and love as He has for me this week.
I love you all immensely.